I’ve accepted that I’m an insignificant piece of life in this whole world, and that I have to fulfill my purpose in this world. Right now, it appears that my priority is to write software, and to simplify the world.

Other people are talented and goal-oriented; I alone am dull and confused. Other people project an aura of success; I seek not to project any aura. Other people have a portfolio full of achievements; I have no achievements that I deem worthy to publicize. Other people work well under pressure; I don’t feel pressure when working.

We are born without knowing rules, and brought up learning them. Thus, I follow no rules in my life. I have no to-do list, and no 10-year goals. I have no obligatory attachment to anyone; I have with me compassion. There never was one approach to do things, and there never will be. Laws, rules, social rituals, and best practices are flawed instruments to dictate one way of doing things. In the absence of court trials, people will live in harmony. In the absence of traffic rules, there will be no accidents. In the absence of rules, nobody will be cheated. In the absence of social rituals, there will be no divorces, adulteries, orphans, or irresponsible children. In the absence of best practices, businesses will be more efficient.

Companies seek talents to work with them; I seek those who are interested. Companies value talent with career paths and high compensation. I value workers with no ambition. Meritocracy creates competition. Competition polarizes companies instead of accepting each other. It creates a false sense of self-importance, which causes excessive consumption, arrogance and callousness.

A person who sulks and grumbles does not accept the world, and is not living with the Tao. He is ambitious and sets lofty goals. He strives to achieve. He strives to be recognized. He strives to stand out. He competes against the rest. Because of that he does not achieve. He is not recognized and he does not stand out. By competing with others, he wins the battle but lose the war.

A person living with the Tao does not compete, does not strive to achieve, nor be recognized. He’s only attached to three treasures, which acts as both his weapon and armor – Compassion, frugality, and being insignificant. He genuinely enjoys life, and accepts things when they happen. Because he does not compete, he wins. Because he does not strive to achieve, he achieves. Because he does not seek to be recognized, he’s recognized.

Thus I try not to compete. I try not to achieve. I seek not to be recognized. I try to work without thinking. I no longer want to understand why events happened the way they are, but I seek to how I can accept them. I am good to those that are good to me; I am good to those that are bad to me. Who am I to judge who is right or wrong, when these judgments are but an illusion of what I perceived. If I polarize who is good and who is bad, I am not accepting the Tao. By accepting everyone, I am at one with the Tao.

The sage experiences without abstraction,
And accomplishes without action;
He accepts the ebb and flow of things,
Nurtures them, but does not own them,
And lives, but does not dwell.

-Peter Merel, Online Translations of the Tao Te Ching. Chapter 2

It striked me how much duality exist in our lives, and the pain it has caused for people that failed to understand its concept. We are all trained to label things (eg events, activities and objects) as good/evil, beautiful/ugly, hardworking/lazy, smart/stupid, easy/difficult, exciting/boring, success/failure, selfish/generous, rich/poor etc?

Has it ever occured to you that if no beautiful people exist in the world, that you will stop labeling other people as ugly? Or the reason why you call someone fat is because you have seen someone thin? Has it ever occured to you that if you stop labeling any work as easy, you won’t find any work difficult? If you have not experienced any excitement in your life, you will not find that you are bored? Have you ever wondered why your life seems to be unfulfilled? Would you find your life unfulfilled if you have never seeked fulfillment in your life before?

The problem comes when we condition our mind to the emotional outcome of the situation. We have been trained to think that we should work towards the ideal >> Success, smart, good-looking, productive etc. Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) exist to push us towards this ideal, and this is what I find unhealthy about it. NLP believes that with we can condition our mind towards these desirable traits that everyone in society seeks. Improper use of NLP can damage a person physically, emotionally and mentally.

Our lives open up when we start to accept and embrace duality in our nature. We complete our work without thinking whether it’s easy or difficult. We accept people for who they are without thinking whether they are ugly or beautiful. We accept our lifes without seeking excitement because we never find our lives boring.

The mistakes made by most NLP practitioners is their intense desire to tap onto the need of unrefined human beings to feel successful and accomplished. I believe that NLP practitioners who wants to condition their mind into a constant “state of success” will fall greater into depression with each passing day. An over-attachment to a certain ideal state will tilt the balance in their life. The classification of achieving certain desirable vs undesirable traits is the making of their undoing. They start to suffer from the winner’s curse, where your past success impose a very heavy load on you to keep up with that success. There is only so much a rubber-band can stretch itself. Can you imagine it if an expert NLP practitioner were to come up to you and say they are depressed?

One is most receptive to learning when the mind is emptied. Compare your current state of mind to a glass of green water (present knowledge). I give you a jug of blue water (new knowledge in a totally unfamiliar discipline), and want you to make the glass of green water blue (ie learn a new skill). What do you do?

If you do not empty the glass (ie by unlearning what you have learnt), you will not be able to get a glass of blue water (ie learning a new skill). Theoretically you can fill the glass with an enormous amount of blue water so that the blue water overpowers the green (keep learning). But what is likely to happen? The capacity of our brain is finite, just like the glass is finite. The water will over-flow when filled to the brim. Think about the effects of this on your brain.

This concept is what NLP is based on. One key element to learning is to emulate another person’s abilities if you want to learn something new. By matching their breathing pattern, their state of mind, their physical actions, you lose yourself in the process thus clearing your frame of mind. Because you are focused on being that person to learn from him, you have effectively emptied your mind and thus acquired a new skill in the process.

My friends – Embrace duality and accept things (including yourself) as what they are without being attached emotionally to the outcome.